Every week, Chelsea Owens offers a prompt for her Terrible Poetry Contest. Horrible and Hilarious! Want to try your hand at some terrible poetry? It’s harder than it looks!
1. The topic is ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. This is my LEAST FAVORITE poem in the entire world – whenever it’s parodied. Therefore; I normally feel that every idiot who goes about with “‘Twas the night before Christmas” on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart; but this week you’re getting a pass. Strangely enough, I love the original. I have at least three favorite stanzas in there.
2. What’s the limit? For the love of my own sanity and yours, please keep it to eight or nine stanzas, maximum. That’s about the point of the original where we read I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
3. It’s gotta rhyme. At the end of the line. Make it fine.
4. Remember, remember: the poem needs to be terrible…
(For the rest of the rules, the deadline, and to read some terrible poetry entries: The Fifth Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest)
Here’s my Attempt:
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the office
The peeps were all fluey and all full of coughses
Their eyes hung in bags with bulging lids droopy
Their answers to emails were all nincompoopy
They swallowed more syrup and dreamed of their beds
While blurred visions of monitors multiplied in their heads
The holiday was coming, they leaned upon that
While doing their darndest not to barf in their hats
A bottle of OJ, another pain pill
They pushed around paper, just an hour to kill
Away to the door they stumbled in stupors
A stop at the party and boy were they poopers
At last up their driveways they wove their way home.
And fell in their beddi-byes to spend Christmas alone.
-by Sheri J. Kennedy, yes that’s the entity All Rights Reserved (though hardly deserved)